The Best Substitute Teacher Note. Ever.

I have a very challenging class this year.

Don't get me wrong, I love every single kid I have. Really. Most years I have one kid that kinda rubs me the wrong way...this year, I have no one like that.

That doesn't change the fact that this class is very challenging. Throw in pregnancy hormones and very little sleep...even more challenging.

Anyway, this past week I had to attend a district meeting at another elementary school, so I had a sub for the afternoon. I hadn't heard of this person, so I wrote pretty detailed plans for him to follow in case he wasn't very experienced.

The kids were lined up to go to lunch and he walked in our door. Upon seeing him I said,"Oh, hi! I'll be right back to get my stuff after I run them to the cafeteria. The plans are on my desk if you want to look over them."

We filed out of the room and one little girl said, "Mrs. Overman? He looks scared."

This is never a good sign when the kids can see your fear...they can already smell it, but seeing it...oh dear.

"Well," I said, "Maybe he is...."

I walked back to the room after dropping the kids off and said, "So those plans are pretty well laid out for you. Is there anything you need before I go?"

He scared me by saying, "Well, I haven't been in a primary classroom in 30 years. This room is SO different...the kids...they're...well...there are so many...."

I tried to make him (probably someone's grandpa) feel better and my friend across the hall walked in to see if I was ready to go. She said to him, "Just be firm, don't bend, and you'll be just fine."

I started to go into our classroom bathroom and I swear he would have followed me in there had I not shut the door. He talked to me the whole time I was in there.

Totally would have freaked me out--but it happens every day at least ten times.

"So...I just do math? And music? What's that?" he asked.

"Don't worry," I said. "You don't have to actually make music. Just take them to music class...they'll show you where to go. Pick them up when the schedule says."

"Oh. Okay. So...."

"I'm sorry, I really have to go. You'll be okay, really. Just follow the plans if you can. Have a good day!" Out the door I went.

Later, our music teacher said, "So your sub didn't come back to get your kids yesterday. I was joking around with them, tapping my watch, saying, 'Hmmm...where's your teacher?' and one of them said, 'He's probably never coming back for us!'"

Never a good sign. Then I read the sub note, the icing on the cake, if you will:

"Hats off to you. This is a very challenging class. We survived. --Al"

Glad to hear it.

Share and...

After Sunday School, my two-year-old son always gets a coloring paper with the exact words they say together during their class. This week's lesson was "Share and be kind."


His teacher (a friend of ours who also works at our church with my husband) stopped me in the hall outside his classroom and said, "Oh, I taught Ian's class today and he really seemed to get the lesson. It was so great."


"That's awesome, thanks!" I replied.


5 minutes later, I picked up Ian.


"Hey Ian, what did you learn today at church?" I asked.


"Share and porcupine."




Okay, so he didn't quite get it....

Mr. Potatohead.

I'm so excited that my son is finally talking in full sentences that make sense to other people--and that are funny.


The other day I said, "Hey Ian, what do you think your sister is DOING in my tummy?"


(I'm 32 weeks pregnant, by the way)


"Playin' Mr. Potatohead."




Of course she is, dear.

UFOs.

Oh, my dear.


Ali: Mrs Overman, did you know my mom has seen a UFO before?


Me: Oh really? So what happened?


Ali: Well, she looked up in the sky one night and saw flashing lights. And she'd only had ONE beer!




You can imagine what I was thinking. One beer AND....

Charlie, the Horse?

Here was my conversation today with Abby:


Abby: My leg hurts.


(Teachers--how many times a day do you hear "My ___ hurts"?)


Me: Honey, you're just going to have to tell your mom about it tonight.


Abby: I did this morning. And you know what? I don't get this. She told me it's a horse! And guess what else? She named it Charlie!!


Me: Oh, I see. You have a charlie horse in your leg.


Abby: [looks at me like I'm as crazy as she thinks her mother is] No! It's just a knot or something.

How Creative.

Here is the quote of the day:

"It was SO hot in gym class today! Which reminds me--when I was little, my dad used to put his Coke cans under my armpits to thaw them."

Oh dear.

The Food Chain.

We were celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Junior's birthday, so our question during community circle time was "What do you do to make the world a better place?"

I heard the following:

"I pick up trash when I see it on the ground."

"I'm nice to my friends."

"I always do my best."

And...

"Well, I take good care of my pets at home so they don't die and break the food chain."

The Exercise Channel.

So I'm 25 weeks pregnant with our second baby.

Yay!

In the three years it's been since I was last pregnant, apparently the doctors at my practice have adopted a new, rigid, horrific weight-gain policy for us all during this time of our lives. My family and I are quite healthy; we exercise every day, play outside, and eat all the fruits and veggies we're supposed to. 

Anyway, the fact that they harp on me about being careful about my weight gain during my pregnancy doesn't make me a happy girl since it's something I'm always careful with.

I asked our school nurse, who is a saint and has many children of her own, to please check my blood pressure...she knows I get all excited at the doctor's office and it gets them all worked up. If she checks it, it's usually fine. 

Anyway, I was in her office Tuesday, complaining about how they're not going to believe my weight gain is water retention, blah, blah, blah, when a little first grader walks in. The rest is history.

Me: Pam, I just know they're not going to love my weight gain. I seriously have no idea how to fix it.

Stinkin' first grader: You know, you could just turn on the exercise channel on your TV once in awhile.

It's a good thing he was sitting across the room from this pregnant girl.

Venison.

I have this kid in my class that looks like he fell out of the movie Goonies.

Seriously.

He is, unintentionally and hysterically, hilarious. His biggest flaw is also his biggest strength: he is so very easygoing he's almost lazy. And, as I mentioned, it is absolutely hysterical.

Not a single day goes by when I say, "Bodie, GET TO WORK NOW...PLEASE!" I tell him over and over and over...typically by the third time he starts moving in the general direction of his work. Many times he is the very last child to still be sitting on the rug after everyone else is knee-deep in their work around the room, and he'll say to me, "Okay, I'll work, but Mrs. Overman? I have to tell you something."

This happens nearly every single day. No kidding. He then proceeds to tell me something like, "Trish isn't working" or something similar to what he is also not doing.

So today, this whole shindig happened again...same bat time, same bat channel. "Bodie, get to work," I said. "Okay," he agreed. "But Mrs. Overman? I have to tell you something."

*sigh* "All right, Bodie. What do I need to know now?"

"Well, Mrs. Overman...I don't know if you noticed this, but it smells like deer meat in here."

Oh sweet heavens.

Oh.My.Word.

We had a Walk-A-Thon today. You know the kind--the kids raised money for new playground equipment by getting pledges, then we all walked and walked and walked and walked some more.

A good time was had by all.

We came in and waited with baited breath to hear the winners of the fundraising contest.

All of a sudden, one little guy goes,

"Umm, Mrs. Overman? So when are we going to do the Walk-A-Thon?"

Oh, for pete's sake.

One of my girls smacked me on the rear end today.

The end.

Lakes and Alligators.

I have a new little kiddo from Florida. I asked her today what she liked about Indiana, and she said, "Well, I've never seen snow...and did you know I have my own lake here? It's so fun. I can swim in it every day. And I really like how they cleaned out all the alligators so we can swim."

Thanks for the reminder.

Picture meet-your-teacher night.

Or in the case of this little girl, meet-your-sister's-teacher night.

Here's how it went:

Little girl: Oh, Mrs. Overman! Me and you have the same kind of arms!
Me: Oh really? (thinking, I know EXACTLY where this is going)...you mean hairy?
Little girl: Yeah!

Yes, as you can imagine, her parents were mortified. Little did they know this was not the first time someone under four feet tall had told me I have hairy arms.

*sigh*

Oh, the last day of school.

Here's what I heard today:

"Oh, Mrs. Overman, can't you just tape me to the wall or something? I really just don't want to leave."

Sea Turtle bites make you brave.

So I'm not really MIA in the world of blogging...I'm actually just the opposite: posting like crazy to my classroom blog and writing a book. (check us out: superkiddos)

Oh, and I have a two-year-old, but hey, we're all busy.

Anyway, here's my conversation with a little guy (okay, my fave little guy) yesterday:

____________________________________________________

Bode: Are you going to read the other Harry Potters to us when we finish the first one?

Me: Well, we won't have time because school is almost out, but you can have your mom check them out for you. Plus, after the second or third one, they get kind of scary and really are pretty much for grown-ups.

Bode: Why?

Me: Well, they're kind of violent and not really appropriate for all kids.

Bode: Like really violent and scary? Because I've been bitten by a sea turtle before, so I don't get scared easy. It really hurt.

A Love Note.

Little kids writing love notes crack me up.


I found one today.


It said, "BG, when I look at you, you look so handsome and cute."


Of course, we live to tattle, so someone brought it to me and said, "I think this love note is from DT!" 


"I think so too," I said. "Hey, DT! Come here, please."


DT: Yeah?


Me: We found your love note.

DT: That's not mine.

Me: Oh really? Then why does it say "From DT" on the back?


DT: Oh yeah. That's mine.




Seriously? Wow.

Marrying your babysitter.

And so went the conversation amongst a few sweet little seven-year-olds:


BG: My parents are having a date night this weekend.


MH: Oh, really? Aren't they married?


BG: Yeah. 


MH: Then why are they having a date night?

BG: I dunno. But we have to have a babysitter. She's from my mom's work at the YMCA and my four-year-old brother thinks he's gonna marry her, but I think that's gonna be a problem since she's got a boyfriend. Plus, her boyfriend is going to come over too when she babysits us. I don't think that'll go over very well.


Another girl: Ugh! Teenagers!

Playing House.

We were having recess inside today and some of the kids were playing "house."  The dad of the house, Bode, came running up to me and said,

"Mrs. Overman, I am soooo not ready to have kids yet."

I was already cracking up.

"Why's that, Bode?"

"Well, see my kids over there? [points to a group of kids sitting in the corner]  They're not going to bed like I said, so they're just going to have to sleep in their pretend puke.  I wish they'd just go to bed.  I think I might just never have kids."

"Bode, you know, it doesn't get any easier when you're a grown up.  Good luck."

This is just too cute not to post.

Ah, finally something funny.

I love my class this year.  They rock.  But they're just not...umm...hilarious.  Usually.

Today one little guy, B, was late because he went to the dentist.  It kinda just wrenched his whole day, really.  He's a perfectionist and hates messing things up; he especially hates when I circle incorrect answers on his math papers for him to correct.

"I think you just like circling things today, Mrs. Overman!" he'll say.  "Those aren't really wrong!"

Today he missed a lot on his math facts paper, so I circled them to be corrected.  He went back to his seat and cried.  Poor kiddo.  I finally had the sense to lighten his situation with some humor, but he ended up lightening it for me instead:

Me: B, what happened to you at the dentist? Did they clean out the math part of your brain in addition to your teeth and that's why you missed all your facts? 

B: Well...you know, I did feel something tingly up toward my brain after they cleaned this tooth [points at molar].  And you know what else happened there? I got ceilings on my teeth so I don't get cavities!  Guys, did you hear me! I got ceilings!  Yeah!

Yeah...you mean sealants.  But whatever.