The Best Substitute Teacher Note. Ever.

I have a very challenging class this year.

Don't get me wrong, I love every single kid I have. Really. Most years I have one kid that kinda rubs me the wrong way...this year, I have no one like that.

That doesn't change the fact that this class is very challenging. Throw in pregnancy hormones and very little sleep...even more challenging.

Anyway, this past week I had to attend a district meeting at another elementary school, so I had a sub for the afternoon. I hadn't heard of this person, so I wrote pretty detailed plans for him to follow in case he wasn't very experienced.

The kids were lined up to go to lunch and he walked in our door. Upon seeing him I said,"Oh, hi! I'll be right back to get my stuff after I run them to the cafeteria. The plans are on my desk if you want to look over them."

We filed out of the room and one little girl said, "Mrs. Overman? He looks scared."

This is never a good sign when the kids can see your fear...they can already smell it, but seeing it...oh dear.

"Well," I said, "Maybe he is...."

I walked back to the room after dropping the kids off and said, "So those plans are pretty well laid out for you. Is there anything you need before I go?"

He scared me by saying, "Well, I haven't been in a primary classroom in 30 years. This room is SO different...the kids...they're...well...there are so many...."

I tried to make him (probably someone's grandpa) feel better and my friend across the hall walked in to see if I was ready to go. She said to him, "Just be firm, don't bend, and you'll be just fine."

I started to go into our classroom bathroom and I swear he would have followed me in there had I not shut the door. He talked to me the whole time I was in there.

Totally would have freaked me out--but it happens every day at least ten times.

"So...I just do math? And music? What's that?" he asked.

"Don't worry," I said. "You don't have to actually make music. Just take them to music class...they'll show you where to go. Pick them up when the schedule says."

"Oh. Okay. So...."

"I'm sorry, I really have to go. You'll be okay, really. Just follow the plans if you can. Have a good day!" Out the door I went.

Later, our music teacher said, "So your sub didn't come back to get your kids yesterday. I was joking around with them, tapping my watch, saying, 'Hmmm...where's your teacher?' and one of them said, 'He's probably never coming back for us!'"

Never a good sign. Then I read the sub note, the icing on the cake, if you will:

"Hats off to you. This is a very challenging class. We survived. --Al"

Glad to hear it.

Share and...

After Sunday School, my two-year-old son always gets a coloring paper with the exact words they say together during their class. This week's lesson was "Share and be kind."


His teacher (a friend of ours who also works at our church with my husband) stopped me in the hall outside his classroom and said, "Oh, I taught Ian's class today and he really seemed to get the lesson. It was so great."


"That's awesome, thanks!" I replied.


5 minutes later, I picked up Ian.


"Hey Ian, what did you learn today at church?" I asked.


"Share and porcupine."




Okay, so he didn't quite get it....

Mr. Potatohead.

I'm so excited that my son is finally talking in full sentences that make sense to other people--and that are funny.


The other day I said, "Hey Ian, what do you think your sister is DOING in my tummy?"


(I'm 32 weeks pregnant, by the way)


"Playin' Mr. Potatohead."




Of course she is, dear.

UFOs.

Oh, my dear.


Ali: Mrs Overman, did you know my mom has seen a UFO before?


Me: Oh really? So what happened?


Ali: Well, she looked up in the sky one night and saw flashing lights. And she'd only had ONE beer!




You can imagine what I was thinking. One beer AND....

Charlie, the Horse?

Here was my conversation today with Abby:


Abby: My leg hurts.


(Teachers--how many times a day do you hear "My ___ hurts"?)


Me: Honey, you're just going to have to tell your mom about it tonight.


Abby: I did this morning. And you know what? I don't get this. She told me it's a horse! And guess what else? She named it Charlie!!


Me: Oh, I see. You have a charlie horse in your leg.


Abby: [looks at me like I'm as crazy as she thinks her mother is] No! It's just a knot or something.

How Creative.

Here is the quote of the day:

"It was SO hot in gym class today! Which reminds me--when I was little, my dad used to put his Coke cans under my armpits to thaw them."

Oh dear.

The Food Chain.

We were celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King Junior's birthday, so our question during community circle time was "What do you do to make the world a better place?"

I heard the following:

"I pick up trash when I see it on the ground."

"I'm nice to my friends."

"I always do my best."

And...

"Well, I take good care of my pets at home so they don't die and break the food chain."

The Exercise Channel.

So I'm 25 weeks pregnant with our second baby.

Yay!

In the three years it's been since I was last pregnant, apparently the doctors at my practice have adopted a new, rigid, horrific weight-gain policy for us all during this time of our lives. My family and I are quite healthy; we exercise every day, play outside, and eat all the fruits and veggies we're supposed to. 

Anyway, the fact that they harp on me about being careful about my weight gain during my pregnancy doesn't make me a happy girl since it's something I'm always careful with.

I asked our school nurse, who is a saint and has many children of her own, to please check my blood pressure...she knows I get all excited at the doctor's office and it gets them all worked up. If she checks it, it's usually fine. 

Anyway, I was in her office Tuesday, complaining about how they're not going to believe my weight gain is water retention, blah, blah, blah, when a little first grader walks in. The rest is history.

Me: Pam, I just know they're not going to love my weight gain. I seriously have no idea how to fix it.

Stinkin' first grader: You know, you could just turn on the exercise channel on your TV once in awhile.

It's a good thing he was sitting across the room from this pregnant girl.