Babies

M from the last post told me this yesterday.

"I am writing my All-About book on babies because I know a lot about them. I even know how to put them to bed, except I have trouble reaching all the way down into the crib to lay them down, so sometimes I just drop them a little bit. That's why I'm not allowed to put my baby cousin in his crib."

Maturity.

I have a little one who, for multiple reasons, is very immature. I don't mean this in a bad way; this cutie is fun, social, and most importantly, very bright.

We'll call her M.

M is always looking for loopholes in the system...I promise she's constantly thinking, I know this rule is for everyone else, but I'm really cute...I can probably get away with it.

High intelligence + cuteness = ornery.

Love this kid.

On another note, I have the kind of kids this year who need very specific rules...more rules than any of my other classes. We have goofy rules, in my opinion, but these kids need them, such as:

1. Once you sit there, stay.
2. Only two pencils in your desk.
3. Use only one paper towel after you wash your hands.

M doesn't like rule number three. Many days I have to say, "M, only one paper towel, please." And pretty much every day, there she is with multiple paper towels.

It's really not a huge deal--unless you're Little J.

Today was no different. M tried using multiple paper towels again, but today, no one really noticed thanks to a mini-crisis that was happening during her paper-towel fiesta. The crisis ended, life resumed, and M sat back down. Pretty soon, M's hand went up and she said, "Mrs. Overman, A used two paper towels."

Usually I don't entertain tattling, but since M was bothered by someone using too many paper towels, I said, "A, please use only one paper towel next time," thinking that M finally got the point.

No sooner had M's tattle left her mouth did Little J shout,

"M USED TWO PAPER TOWELS TOO!"

Personal Mini-Lesson for M: Always ask yourself if you have done something wrong before tattling on someone.

Underwear

Always a risky subject.

I walked by Little J working extra hard to hike up his pants today. He noticed, then said,

"I picked out the big underwear today."

Chicken Drumsticks

Ruth Ayres--this one is for you from one of your favorites.

Today at lunch for the first time ever we had chicken on the bone--chicken drumsticks, actually.

I could not have anticipated all the issues that would arise simply because we had to eat meat off the bone.

Several kids didn't understand that when you eat all the chicken, you don't save the bones and wash them like silverware. And you don't eat the bones. And you don't play with the bones.

One of my little guys was practically having a nervous breakdown over this lunch. I, on the other hand, was laughing hysterically.

This is mostly how the conversation went:

N: What is this?!?!

Me: It's a chicken leg.

N: What?!?! From a real chicken?

Me: Yeah, what did you think it was?

N: I thought it was a real drumstick made out of chicken.

*giggle*

N: This is a real leg of chicken?!

Me: Yes, honey. You can eat it.

N: But it has bones!

Me: I know, but you might really like the meat if you pull it off the bones.

N: What?!?! I don't think I like eating real animals.

Me: N, do you like chicken nuggets? Because this is the same thing, except it has bones.

{N gets help from a buddy "ripping" meat off the bone and tastes a microscopic bite}

N: Oh no. This is NOT like nuggets. I don't know WHAT chicken nuggets are made from , but this tastes like ALIVE chicken.

*giggle from everyone at the table*

N: I am never going to be able to eat animals again. And I probably won't be able to eat chicken nuggets again either.




Do they provide therapy for this kind of thing?

Best (Kid) Excuse This Year

One of my little ones inexcusably missed two or three simple math problems on her homework. Upon questioning, she explained:

"Oh yeah, I missed this because my bear was helping me."

Maybe You'll Think These Are Funny.

I've noticed in my three years of teaching first grade that by spring kids are starting to understand jokes.

After awhile, they begin to create their own. Oh dear.

Here is how I spent my lunch today:

"Mrs. Overman, why did the giraffe cross the road? He wanted to die and get a truck stuck in his neck!"

"Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to get hit by a car. No wait, that's not right...I saw this on TV once...I mean, he didn't want to get hit so he hopped really fast."

"Mrs. Overman, why did the chicken cross the road? To get some eggs."

"Hey! Why did the rabbit cross the road? So he could run across the street!"

I finally excused myself from this roadkill fest.

Don't you wonder if the SNL writers started out like this too?

Tattoos

Lest I offend any of my faithful readers, I'll begin by saying I have several dear friends with tattoos. I have no real problem with them...but I don't want one.

Tattoos + first graders: you know this can ONLY head south.

I have a little guy that's superquiet all the time. Today I look over and he's discreetly pulled his shirt up so his cohort can take a good long look at his stick-on tattoos.

Oh yes, they were all in a row, neatly lined up from his elbow to his shoulder.

No kidding.

So I say, "B, what did you do, just put the entire page of tattoos on yourself?"

He says, "Yep."

At least yours will come off in the shower.

Quotes

On days like today, there just isn't enough chocolate in my drawer...pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?

However, on days like today where I need more chocolate...the kids usually say HILARIOUS things. Here are three good ones:

"My eyes are the color grazel." (What's that? Green + hazel?)

"Yeah, my throat has been hurting like crazy. My mom says I have constillitis." (Tonsillitis? Or is that inflammation of constellations?)

"Those are some girly boys over there playing with that Barbie Castle." (Told you things were weird today!)



Thank you and good night. I'm on my way to the treadmill.

My Dog's Birthday

Another Community Circle/Sharing Time story:

M: Last night it was my dog's birthday!

Me: Oh, how nice. Did you do anything special for your dog?

M: No! She can't blow out candles, so we didn't do anything for her birthday.

Bustin' Out of the Garage Door

Community Circle/Sharing Time today was just chock full of goodies...my kids are in the weirdest mood today.

The best story shared was this one:

"Last night my go-cart wouldn't start so I put some gas in and kind of pushed on the pedal. Then I shot out of the garage in it."

"What?! Do you mean you went really fast out of the garage because the door was already open?" I asked.

He said, "Well, kinda. I guess I made the door open because when I got to the other side of the garage door there were some boards laying on the ground and stuff. My dad was kinda mad about that."


Confused? I was.


"So...you busted a hole in the garage door?!" I asked.

"Well yeah...I guess so."

I think I said something to the effect of "...wouldn't want to be your mom right now..."

A Real Predicament

This is my conversation at lunch with a little girl, K:

K: Mrs. Overman, I think I'm going to have to become a vegetarian.

Me: Why?

K: Well, I really hate to eat animals that have been killed.

Me: What will you eat then?

K: You know, vegetables and stuff. Which are good, but I really would hate to have to be a vegetarian because some of my favorite foods are from animals.

Me: That's quite a problem, then.

Pink Gloves

We are all great friends with Little J by now.

Here is his Monday story.

Today at dismissal he put on pink gloves with his coat.

Normally I wouldn't say anything, but he started it (have I been in first grade too long?) and this is how it snowballed:

J: Man, I hate these gloves.

Me: Are they your sister's?

J: NO! NO!

Me: Well, then why are you wearing them? Where are your normal gloves?

J: THESE gloves are part of a set. My mom got them. They had a black hat and some black gloves and these pink ones too. Because they are for GIRLS.

Me: *uncontrolled smile* So then where are the black gloves?

J: My brother got to wear them. Plus the black hat.



Wouldn't you love to see how that was decided this morning?

This is all I'll say about it.

Little J tried to sharpen his finger today in the pencil sharpener.

Brittany Spears

If you're still reading after the title of this post, you won't regret it.

I have a little girl who is fairly mature for her seven years. We'll call her N.

I typically dismiss my kids to do anything in small groups by saying things like:

"You may go if you have...

...long sleeves."

...shoelaces."

...blue eyes."

...pink on your shirt."


At dismissal time today, I did this as usual, but I added (for giggles), "You may go if you have hair."

N goes, "Yeah, Mrs. Overman, if Brittany Spears were here she'd have to wait till you said 'bald.'"